Against all odds, my kids like xc skiing

Just don't try to help

Last weekend we drove to the Adirondacks to belatedly celebrate my mom’s 70th birthday, staying at a very rustic taxidermy-rich airbnb with abundant pro-hunting decor. This was ten minutes from Lapland Lake, a quaint cross-country “Nordic vacation center” my family grew up going to, founded by Olavi Hirvonen, a Olympian from Finland who brought the sport (and a few reindeer) to upstate, New York, then groomed miles and miles of trails through the woods to create some woodsy hygge. 

My family was never particularly sporty, but cross-country skiing was the very humble, everyone-can-participate sport of my youth. A family tradition, per se. The price was right, you didn’t really need much special gear other than the skis themselves, and unlike the elements of wealth, youth, and fashion that dominate snowboarding and downhill ski culture, you could literally show up and cross-country ski in your jeans and a turtleneck with your picnic lunch, as my family often did. (See also: Does it matter if my children learn to [downhill] ski?)

At the highest levels, the sport requires both incredible stamina and full body athleticism. However, the amateur’s version of it basically feels like vigorous power walking through the woods. As a kid, I remember many-an-afternoon begrudgingly having to ski up hills, wishing I were on a chairlift wearing a Burton jacket and reflective goggles, and did not really appreciate the more meditative and athletic elements of the sport at least until my late teens. This gave me very low expectations for a five and seven year old.

J + A: first time on xc skis

Ada was adamant that she’d try, but if she fell three times, she’d be done. Julian—who either does or does not want to try new things with zero leeway in between—was enthusiastically ready to give it a go. I was betting on both kids melting down as they realized the sport would take actual, physical work, but both children surprised me with their persistence, far beyond three falls.

The trees were heavy with a foot of fresh snow and the cinematic background added major novelty points to the activity. The kids circled the practice loop, finding their feet, then we headed to the longer Lake Trail, feeling ambitious. 

A half hour down the trail and 2.5 hours into our ski session, we ran into an area where a snow plow had pushed a huge wedge of snow into the path, creating an unnaturally steep drop. On the way back to the lodge, we then had to go back up said drop, which required most skiers to take off their skis and put them back on ten feet further down. Ada was determined to go up this small cliff on skis. Julian, meanwhile, was literally falling asleep standing up, so Jacob took him back tot he lodge.

Ada attempted to climb the ledge more than fifty times, falling back down again and again, her blood nearly starting to boil with frustration. The more I suggested new techniques (side stepping, a V-shape walk, taking off skis), the more enraged she got. She insisted that there was a way I could help that was different from any of the things I’d suggested, I just hadn’t figured it out yet. I insisted there was no secret way to get up the hill, she insisted the way to help was obvious, I would repeat the same options, she’d get super pissed, and this cycle continued for twenty minutes as it started to snow again and other skiers came and went. 

Eventually, my patience thin and my stomach grumbling, I insisted I was going to head back to the lodge assuming she’d give up and follow.  She gritted her teeth and through some miracle of anti-gravity, on her 77th attempt, succeeded in forging the ledge, then silently stared at me to assert her victory. We headed back to the lodge and got hot chocolate and soup.

Now warm and nourished, I asked Ada if she thought she’d been unreasonable, given the situation. “Of course not,” she said. “It was obvious how to help me the whole time.” 

“It was?” I said, befuddled. “What do you think was so obvious?” 

“You needed to stop trying to help! I wanted to do it by myself,” she said, smiling but serious at the same time.

I thought our ski day might end there but after lunch the kids suited back up and insisted on going out again. Ada wanted to try the Lake Trail ledge again. The grandparents were glowing seeing their grandkids on skis. The aunts and uncles offered encouraging words of support and offered to take the kids out. Jacob and I accepted and went off to ski on our own, far away from our kids, far away from Ada trying to conquer the ledge, trying to find some kind of zen in the deep quiet of the white woods.

Recommendations for this week:

• To watch: All That Breathes, a gorgeous documentary (nominated for an Oscar for Best Doc) about a bird hospital operated by a few men in Delhi, who have made it their life’s mission to save black kites, a species endangered by the pollution in the city. It’s quiet and meditative and one of those movies that leaves you wondering just how it ended up getting made.

• To see: Jacob and I saw the BAM performance of Pina Bausch’s Água, a gorgeous three-hour series of vignettes around the theme of nature/water that she made while at a residency in Brazil in 2001. It combines film, dance, theater, music, and humor in a funny and moving and original way. Performances ongoing through March 19th.

• To read: Jenna Park’s newsletter, Everything is Liminal. Her most recent piece, Aging gracefully in the face of ageism is a thoughtful take on a topic I wish I encountered more writing about: various ways of accepting and confronting aging, workplace agism, considering how long youthfulness can pass. Also, my mom too had the Korean ajumma perm.

• Exercise tanks: Tracksmith makes my favorite running tanks of the moment. Great for yoga, running, layering. Pricey / high qual.

• To read: “Dansk and the Promise of the Simple Scandinavian Life.” Dansk is from Long Island, guys!!!!

• Coffee Thermos: The Fellow coffee/tea Tumblr with original art by Lauren Martin at Variety coffee. Impulsively got this when I saw it on the merch shelf and was too cute to pass up. I like the shape of the Kinto better, but this has an internal strainer thing that makes it good for tea as well.

• LEGO Mania: LEGO has a free 5x a year physical magazine for kids — I just subscribed and TBD if it’s good but I’m sure my kids are going to go bonkers.

And, last but not least, this is my last call to donate to the NYC half marathon i’m running on March 19th! Thanks so much to everyone who has already contributed — we’ve raised over $2,000! Let’s get to $2,500! Donations go to benefit the Bard Prison Initiative, which provides educational and career opportunities for those who are incarcerated. (Donate here).