Your worst is not the worst

Not even close

Julian has recently become obsessed with a duo of Minecrafters in Japan that go by the moniker Maizen. It’s two characters, whose voices are dubbed over, named Maikkii and Zenichi (Mikey and JJ in English). Because they are professional Minecraft content creators, they have access to a range of add-ons and materials that Julian does not. It causes deep envy and non-stop blathering about what Maizen has, Maizen makes, Maizen can do, and how not being able to do or make or have what they have, is the absolute worst.

I understand very little of this subject, so I ask Julian what he wants to build, if he were to hypothetically have all of the resources that JJ and Mikey have. Without pausing, he says that he would build the world’s most elaborate bunker. Among Maizen’s most popular streams are dozens of videos of “security houses” and bunkers, where they insulate their invented spaces from both actual and theoretical attack.

“My bunker would have a ton of food, an aquarium, and a Nintendo switch. It would have an extra room for you. It would have slides and never lose electricity. It would have axolotls and a jungle room and massage chairs and lots of security cameras and so many guns.”

He pauses and acknowledges that neither an aquarium nor massage chairs nor a Nintendo Switch are truly needed for survival, but that he would like these in his bunker and that I’d be invited. He asks if I’m mad that his bunker woud have guns.

I ask him why he would need a bunker. What does he think might happen? What exactly is he preparing for?

He describes a worst possible (Minecraft) situation that involves missiles and TNT and how you’ve got to be ready for an attack because someone is always being attacked or attacking.

“You’ve got to be prepared for the worst,” he adds.

This sends him into a rabbit hole of all the worst possible things that he believes could happen in the actual world, like being sucked into the event horizon of a black hole, being on a cliff during a terrible earthquake, or the more mundane: someone else getting the last Nintendo Switch and rendering him never able to have his very own game console.

At bedtime that night he says he can’t sleep because he can’t stop thinking about how the worst thing in the world might happen. I ask him which possible worst he is thinking about — the one with missiles? The black hole? The earthquake?It’s none of these. He is thinking about not being able to get a Nintendo Switch.

“Sometimes at school all the numbers on the smart board and all the letters in my books start turning into miniature Nintendo Switches,” he describes. “It’s so hard to focus. It’s just everywhere.” He’s wearing a full puppy pleading face and feeling the deep despair of an over-tired seven year old.

In the morning we’re getting ready for school and Jacob and I discuss how we’re really, finally, going to buckle down on the kids doing their homework. It’s optional at their school, which has in turn made us lax, but it’s clear that if you need to be reminded 5x times to brush your teeth and get dressed every morning that they might also benefit from generally being required to do anything at all more rigorous in this life.

We announce this to the kids and it’s very inflammatory. Ada declares it the Worst Thing In The World. We’re so mean. We’re so cruel. We never let her do anything she likes. She dramatically wails in bed for longer than it would take her to complete said homework and whisper shouts for me to come into the bedroom. Glaring at me, she sneers: “Why is my favorite person in the world making me do my least favorite thing in the world?” She collapses again, crying.

It’s all so ridiculous—endearing almost—trying to explain why this is most certainly not the worst, not even close to the worst, and how the worst—and worse—are actually happening, in a multitude of dimensions and in so many ways every single day to people pretty much everywhere you look.

Trump and Vance humiliate the nation in a meeting with Zelenskyy. They talk about annexing Greenland. The tariffs. The measles. ICE on parade. DOGE math is not math-ing. Abortion bans. Erasure of women. Walking backwards on scientific research. USAID shutdowns. All kinds of shutdowns. It is a very large scale of terrible.

When you have to describe any of this semi-succinctly, as if to a non-human, or a small human, the translation of facts takes on full absurdity. No, there is no rationale. No, it is not kind. No, it is not helpful. No, it is not reasonable. No, it makes no sense. Yes, it is real. Yes, billionaires. Yes, I know you still want a Nintendo Switch. And dessert. And to not do your homework. And not to eat the carrots. And to watch Wicked every night. But it is really, truly, not at all the worst.

Remember when we took you to the beach? The worst.

Recommendations (Distractions from the world edition)

• To eat: It probably goes without mentioning but the new Radio Bakery opened in Prospect Heights. Lines, lines, lines, but also so good.

• To eat: For destination udon, Ada and I had a date at Muteki Udon and the broth is chef’s kiss.

• To eat: Uncle Lou in Chinatown. Great Cantonese food; perfect for groups, don’t sleep on the whole fish.

• To watch: The Harris Dickinson Chicken Shop Date and read Rebecca Mead’s profile on Amelia Dimoneldenberg

• Relatedly, Halina Reijn (director of Babygirl starring Dickinson) in conversation with Pedro Pascal on the A24 podcast

• To read: Rental House by Weike Wang, in which a series of relationship, family, class, and race tensions and misunderstandings come up between a couple during a series of trips to two different rental houses. Loved this one. Fast read.

• To read: Inside the Church of Chili’s (GQ), which I really enjoyed because my kids routinely claim that Chili’s is their favorite restaurant after going there ONCE off of Route 17 in New Jersey at 9:30 p.m. (but maybe this explains it all)

Bonus recs — Tennis nerd edition:

• Brandon Taylor’s new tennis diary, Drill + Play, which is a sub-section of his newsletter Sweater Weather

• The French, the 2 hour, 10 minute 1981 doc backstage at The French Open during peak Bjorn Borg, Ivan Lendl, Jimmy Conors, John McEnroe tantrums era. The fashions are raging, the access is impressive, the playing style is so different from current styles and fun to watch.

• I’m not really a sports-in-skirts person but I made an exception for this Lululemon style which has great length / movement / waist for a shorter person.

• Strung, the new-ish tennis vertical from Dirt w/lots of fun contributors.

I have a tennis match tonight; wish me luck! Also, what are your favorite exercise tops/tanks. I like not too tight, not too loose, not ruched. Please advice.