Turtles in the sun

Out here fighting for some light

I spent the entirety of last week feverish and horizontal and tried writing various delirium-induced newsletters using the voicenotes feature on my phone. But, every time I did this, I would think about productivity guilt, and why I felt bad I hadn’t written my free newsletter during a week when my temperature averaged 101, and why it was hard to accept sickness. I’d lay there in delirium and take a quick scroll through Instagram, overwhelmed by Roe hanging in the precipice, horrified by the baby formula shortage and the false morality attached to breastfeeding, saddened and numbed by news of yet another shooting, and then see some headline about Twitter and Elon Musk and close my eyes, opening them only to take a sip of the life-giving force that is red Gatorade.

It feels like one of those moments of overwhelming loss; we are losing things both tangible and theoretical. We are collectively grieving, angry, in spurts hopeless and moved to action. We are overwhelmed. We are numb. We are moved.

This morning Jacob and I took a rare morning walk in Prospect Park and looped around the reservoir where there were dozens and dozens of turtles crowded onto rocks trying to inch their way into the sun. The density was almost obscene. So many turtles. How did they know when there was space left on a rock? Would they swim to the next rock if there was no room left for them to sun? Where did they all come from? Some of them were on each other’s backs, a full-on turtle stack.

It seemed so rudimentary, coming up from underwater on a sunny day, just to find a little slice of sunshine, but I think it’s what I’m doing too: trying to find a rock with just a bit of space to rest and take in some Vitamin C.

Here are some things that got me through the last week and made an imprint on my brain:

Listen:

• Anne Helen Petersen dives into the history of email on the You’re Wrong About Podcast hosted by Sarah Marshall. This episode is both nostalgic for the pre-Gmail era of email, way back before Inbox Zero was a thing and we liked writing each other long letters. Remember that early aughts bliss?

• An older Death, Sex & Money episode on Siblinghood, the ups and downs and complexities of those we live and grow up with, not by choice.

• This Broken Record interview with Belle & Sebastian.

Read:

• This beautiful essay by Sam Anderson and his relationship to his body through weight loss, weight gain, diet apps, food tracking, eating lots of chips, and much more.

• Haley Nahman’s essay on being sick with COVID which sounds like a longer/worse version of how I felt last week, wrestling with my sad body, with my desire to work, giving into illness, and so on.

• Can Motherhood be a Mode of Rebellion? Jia Tolentino on mothering, and Angela Garbes’ new book, Essential Labor.

Watch:

• To Watch: Rothaniel, comedian Jerrod Carmichael’s moving stand-up / coming-out / live therapy act [New Yorker review]

Visit:

• Coney Island on a gray day, when there’s no line for the Wonder Wheel or at Nathan’s.

• Yoseka Stationery in Greenpoint, for all your high end writing and office needs, filling the gap that the closure of CW Pencil Emporium left behind.

• The incredible ceramics installations of Yuko Nishikawa, who has a two-room installation up in Brooklyn through June.

Eat:

• The world’s best pancake recipe. Sub in 1/2 cup almond flour for AP.

• Hetty McKinnon’s Brown Rice Congee with Crispy Kale + Chili Oil with a fried egg on top.

• A burger and a beer at Henry Public.

Stay safe, stay sane, keep yelling and see you next week.