This playdate is so awkward

But awkward for you doesn’t mean awkward for them

Ada had a friend over last weekend and they spent the first two hours of their playdate only nominally interacting with each other. Ada wanted to make jewelry from modeling clay or work on a Lego set (from the new LEGO Friends series that’d I’d been gifted for going to a promotional event), but the friend preferred to explore the apartment and ask what was kept in various closets and storage spaces. 

About 30 minutes in I offered the kids a snack and while munching on grapes the friend expressed her fascination with the Titanic. She knew the exact number of passengers and lifeboats on board, the theories around why the ship had sunk, the number of survivors, then explained that her grandma had maybe been—no, definitely been, in third class. “She’s Italian,” she explained as though that lent credibility to the claim. 

Ada was interested in these details but also had no competing claim to make about an ancestor’s relation to this catastrophe. Her general knowledge about massive ocean liners also paled in comparison. So, she went back to the modeling clay and the friend went back to sauntering, and I tried to stay out of the way entirely, both registering what I found to be a profoundly awkward hang and also recognizing I was projecting this feeling entirely. 

This went on for what felt like ages. Ada would suggest something: “let’s listen to Taylor Swift in my room,” or “let’s play Uno” and the friend would quietly dissent. Ada was unfazed by this disinterest and would move onto a different activity, at one point straight up reading a book on the couch while the friend stared at her for like 20 minutes. At some point, despite telling myself not to helicopter parent, I suggested painting (“no”) or making cookies (“no”) then resolved to continue to stay out of the way.

I wondered if Ada would reflect on this later, but in the last 30 minutes, the whole thing took a turn. I told the friend her mom would be there in half an hour and the very notion of urgency kicked the kids into high gear. Suddenly everyone wanted to do the Lego set. Everyone wanted to paint. Everyone needed to make the cookies. The kids couldn’t bear the thought of this playdate coming to an end. 

The friend’s mom arrived and the kids begged for more time. They couldn’t stop talking and laughing and they definitely had to try the cookies before leaving. The 5 pm pickup turned into 5:30 and then 5:45 and then everyone was hugging and waving sad goodbyes. Wtf just happened?!

I felt an honest-to-goodness sigh of relief when it was all over. Was that the weirdest child cocktail party of all time? No, no it wasn’t. It was just kids hanging out without the emotional and social baggage of adulthood.  

Recommendations for the kids:

• Secondhand clothes: New York has a very waning number of good secondhand clothing stores for kids, but Owl Tree Kids on Court Street is my go-to. It ages out around the tween years but they have tons of high quality little kids stuff.

• App: Both my kids have been loving Toca Blocks, a game-building (think: pre-Minecraft) app. Kids can design their own levels with whimsical pieces, then play them, adjust, and so on. (I also helped design a similar game that skews a bit older called The Infinite Arcade at Tinybop).

• To watch/do: The NY International Children’s Film Festival starts tomorrow - March 19th and has lots of great-looking programming. Tix are still available! We’re going to check out a few of the shorts programs.

• Toothbrush: After some nightmarish dentist visits I got the kids the Quip Kids electric toothbrushes and i’m a big fan. The built-in timer helps the kids actually brush for two minutes and the slim shape means they don’t need to take up extra counter space.

• Reading:

  • Ada’s on the 11th book of the Treehouse Series (143 Storey???) She brought and read five in Florida last week. Unsurprisingly, they are extending this series in every direction possible but she never bores of it.

  • Julian is also getting into graphic novels. We read Alcatoe and the Turnip Child (full of magic, witches, curses and evil neighbors — great if you’re into the Hilda books/show), and in picture books, have been reading Julia Sarda’s The Queen in the Cave every night for a week. The illustrations are incredible.

Recs for the grownups:

• To watch: Shrinking on Apple TV. Jason Segal plays a grieving therapist (co-starring Harrison Ford and Jessica Williams) in this very easy-viewing show (think Ted Lasso level emotional complexity). Nothing groundbreaking but a fun view.

• To Watch: The Swimmers on Netflix, a based on true story of sisters Yusra and Sara Mardini, who are competitive swimmers in Syria when the war begins. They leave to escape the war and seek asylum in Europe, literally swimming across the Mediterranean sea to their safety and to pursue their dreams of swimming.

• To Listen: The Design Matters Interview with Sarah Polley, who talks about her trajectory from child actor to now being nominated for an Oscar for Best Picture for “Women Talking.” Polley is down-to-earth, insightful, reflective, and fascinated by so many dimensions of personal narrative; this is a fun listen.

• To Read: Anne Helen Petersen on What Teachers Really Think About All Those Spirit Days is a great read and also can we stop the thinly veiled attempts at community.

• Cozy pants: I avoided athleisure for the entire pandemic because I convinced myself this was giving up and then went to Boulder, CO for one week and got these Vuori Performance Joggers. LOL but Jesus these are the best pants. I regret not getting them 3 years ago. They’re $, but 20% off your first purchase.

• To eat: I always forget then remember Takehachi bakery in FiDi but it’s great for a red bean bun and very soft Japanese-style brioche and I love anywhere you can buy a half-sandwich.

Last but not least, the NYC Half Marathon is in *17* days (yikes). I’m raising $$$ on behalf of the Bard Prison Initiative, which provides the opportunity to get a college degree to those who are incarcerated. A contribution in any amount would be deeply appreciated and donations can be made here. TY in advance + see you next week.