Jacob took the kids to Florida yesterday to see his mom in St. Pete’s, a trip that was originally scheduled for April 2020, then delayed indefinitely, until yesterday. The last 72 hours have included a hype-up meant to build excitement about travel, get the kids on board with helping out their dad as he solo-flies south during a hectic travel week, and to also get them to buy-in to what’s being packed (or not packed, if we’re being honest).
Ada in a sedated state is already a hype machine, and she’s taken to calling their trio Team Florida, researching shells, picking out her attire, and packing her headphones well in advance. Julian, apropos of Julian, packed only his Mushroom Fan Club book and a cardboard top hat I’d made for a character-day costume at school that he never actually wore. Super practical.
When it comes out in casual conversation that Jacob is leaving for five days, there’s an instantaneous reaction that I’ve been liberated. Jacob asked me, jokingly, if I was going to real-life enact the motherhood escape narrative that’s very popular in film / tv / books right now (see: “The Lost Daughter,” the HBO show “Run,” “Scenes from a Marriage,” Claire Vaye Watkins’ novel, I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness, etc.) and just disappear. Others have texted me with upwards of a dozen exclamation points or recommended I get a midday pedicure or just like, go into a store, or go to a yoga class — midweek! Alone!
These are, in fact, lovely activities. And I will embrace the time off, wholeheartedly. Last night I walked to Nighthawk and, on a lark, decided to see “The Worst Person in the World,” sitting between a gaggle of twenty-something girls who couldn’t stop crying and a couple in their sixties who couldn’t stop snuggling. I ate a farro pesto salad with crispy tofu and a chinotto spritzer in the dark and drank up every minute of this film—which all things aside, was incredible.
But most of what I’m doing and plan to do is very mundane. I cleaned out our pantry last night while drinking a glass of leftover wine. I’ve cleared out as many of Ada’s trinkets as I can without her noticing. I’ll probably do the laundry tomorrow. I’ll try and get a persistent stain out of the rug. I laid on the couch for five minutes playing Wordle. I’ll work for as many hours as I do when they are also here—if not, more. But nobody wants to hear that I am working, and in between meetings, ordering in-drawer organizers to finally deal with the reckless abandon of the sock drawer.
The escape is not a physical escape to some one-off spectacularly liberating activity. What makes it glorious is actually the staying power of the daily domestic efforts. On a normal day, we cook, we clean, we have to cook again (and clean again). We vacuum the living room, then three hours later the living room has granola in the couch cushions. We pick up yet again. But today I only have to account for my own messes, only my emotional and physical needs. It’s a semblance of the before-kid times, but with the gratitude of its ephemerality.
Recommendations:
Eat out: The very spicy coconut crab curry and the crispy fried rice at Fish Cheeks, which also has spectacular cocktails.
To watch (in theaters): “The Worst Person in the World,” Joachim Trier’s terrific film about Julie, an indecisive millennial who bounces between career paths and relationships, always feeling like a spectator to herself. Set in Oslo and gorgeously shot and acted and Renate Reinsve and Anders Danielsen Lie. Also, fun fact: Lie is a full-time medical doctor in Norway in addition to being an actor. Talk about balancing two gigs.
To watch (at home): Better Things (Hulu), starring Pamela Adlon as the working actress mother of three daughters, who also keeps an eye on her mom across the street. Cue generational relationships, sibling-hood, work/life balance, single parenting. There are five seasons to dig into. I’m excited.
Home decor: These incredible baskets made in Ghana by Zaare Folks on Etsy. I got a big round wide one for entryway storage but have my eye on these gorgeous, sculptural wavy ones.
To organize: This handy desktop organizer caddy for all of Ada’s markers, scissors, and colored pencils. I am forever trying to reign it in.
To play with the kids: These Oliver Jeffers Go Fish cards are oversized and feature the funny and endearing images of his many books. My kids recognized most, and had way more fun playing via his characters than they do with a normal set of cards.
Recommend: What are the best cotton sheets? Willing to invest but want to know which ones are actually worth splurging on! (No linen, please).
See you next week, in the company of my children.
Pact has some nice ones.
We love the Parachute but honestly we have a set from Schoolhouse Electric that keep much cooler!