Saturday was Ada’s birthday party, the last in our marathon of birthday-halloween-anniversary-related family celebrations spanning over the last six weeks. We checked the weather compulsively all week, nervous due to the forecast of forty-five degree temps and a 100% chance of rain due to an incoming tropical storm. We considered alternatives like a cozy movie + popcorn party in our apartment, or trying to find one of the covered areas in the park, but Ada was determined to continue on as planned, which meant: an outdoor party in Prospect Park with a piñata, a nature scavenger hunt, a homemade cake with an exploding candy core (“it’ll really impress my friends”), hanging out on/near her favorite climbing log, arts + crafts, and an array of other unspecified “really fun activities.” (We did rule out s’mores, water balloons, magic show, and a dozen other requests).
No amount of discussion about how the weather might throw off our plans, or how the outdoors may not be viable seemed to register, her brain so amped with anticipation that that she was either tuning us out or just in denial. Much to all of our good luck, Saturday turned out to be the greatest weather day in recent New York City history, the light somehow always coming through the trees at an incredibly flattering angle, a light breeze, ginkgo leaves shining like a pot of gold, and an air temp warm enough for t-shirts.
I put Jacob in charge of activities and I was in charge of the cake, paper goods, and party decor, which all seems kind of low-key when described, but I can assure you a park party is still not low-key. First, there’s getting all the stuff to the park location that’s a fifteen-minute walk away in a giant wagon. There’s the stuff that needs to go IN the piñata which you don’t want to be all disposable plastic nor do you want to be a maddening amount of candy. There’s a trip to Costco for the snacks and drinks, a trip to Target for the decor and paper plates, there are the forks you somehow still forget to get and frantically text your sister-in-law for 10 minutes before the party starts.
There’s cake transport to consider (I procured this cake carrier, so now I am the friend you can hit up that once a year you need one), how you’re going to get the decorations up, blankets to cover the ground so people have a not-muddy place to sit, and small bags to bring so kids have a place to put all their piñata winnings. There’s extra ring pops to save on the side so the kids who are sad from not getting the ring pops from the piñata can still get one (aka Julian).
Twenty minutes before the party two parents texted to say their kids were sick and I started to have nobody-is-showing-up-at-my-dinner-party anxiety, except worse because I was projecting the feeling on behalf of my child and also trying to insulate her from disappointment. To be fair to Ada, when I told her about her sick friends her only response was to offer sympathy and was completely unfazed otherwise.
When two o’clock rolled around and everything was set up, Ada effusively embraced every one of her friends as they arrived, the cake exploded with candy as intended, the kids calmly sat on a blanket making beaded chokers for forty minutes, climbed the sh*t out of the log, enthusiastically participated in the scavenger hunt, and were impressively civilized about the piñata. By the end, I was both validated by the degree of preparation, optimistic about the youths, and also a bit self-critical at what felt like an excessive amount of mental energy to expend on a “low-key” kid’s seventh birthday party.
I fully realize this is me exhausting myself, trying to meet a certain kind of expectation (Ada’s, mine, etc.), a personality-slash-gendered trait that focuses on making sure everyone is having a good time, not asking for enough help, etc etc. I think a tiny part of me even wanted it to go a little awry, to show Ada we can’t control the outcome, that sometimes it just rains on your party, and maybe it wouldn’t live up to her dreams and it’d still be okay. But that night after the sun went down and we got home, she opened presents, sat down at her art table, said it “was the best party of her life with the best people.” Seven year olds can earnestly exist in a world of superlatives in a way I think it’s hard for adults to hold onto, and mine did that day. So, maybe the exhaust is actually worth it, and thankfully birthdays are only once a year.
Recs for the kids:
Building toys: A list of the best open-ended building toys I put together for The Strategist.
First camera: We got Ada this Fujifilm Instax Mini 11 Camera for her bday and she was ecstatic. The bundle comes with a carrier case, five packs of film, and cheesy little photo album that she loves. Excellent holiday gift option for a 7+ year old.
To watch: “My Father’s Dragon” on Netflix. Read it first if you haven’t! This was the first chapter book I ever read with the kids and it’s delightful.
To read: Ada is still deep in graphic novel-land and has recently enjoyed Frankie’s World about a kid who struggles to fit in but can’t figure out why she’s different by Irish autistic comedian Aoife Dooley.
To make: We had a beading station at Ada’s party and I got this adorable polymer bead pack. Huge hit.
Recs for the grown-ups:
To do: rode my first electric Citibike (one of the redesigned pedal-assist ones) and it’s life-changing. If you’ve been a Citibike holdout like me this might just make you a convert.
To watch: “Aftersun,” starring Paul Mescal + the immensely talented child actor Frankie Corio, is a moving film about father-daughter relationships by first-time director Charlotte Wells. Mescal plays a depressive dad on holiday with his tween daughter, who he loves tremendously and is trying to shield from his sadness. Told through flashback and home videos made during the vacation.
Also to watch: “Triangle of Sadness” because who doesn’t love a scathing critique of the rich and a power hierarchy that gets turned on its head. By Ruben Östlund, who also made “The Square” and “Force Majeure”
To read: Re-recommending Rachel Aviv’s Strangers to Ourselves, non-fiction about mental health diagnoses and the way they shape our own self-narrative and the stories other people form about us. As someone commented to me, “So carefully observed and sensitively written.” Incredible. Now moving onto Hua Hsu’s memoir, Stay True.
To listen: Ezra’s Klein’s recent convo with George Saunders, which came out the day of the midterm elections, and is an insightful conversation on how politics and media shape how we think. (Apropos of the Great Twitter Collapse of 2022)
To see: The Alex Katz exhibit, Gathering, at the Guggenheim.
To hike: We impromptu drove up to Bull Hill near Cold Spring, NY yesterday for this beautiful hike with incredible views of the Hudson. Pretty steep with lots of climbing for the first two miles, then a long, slow decline.
Recs for me: favorite veggie Thanksgiving side dish recipes? Pie recipes? Weirdly my go-to is this chocolate cream pie from Epicurious.
This is so good and a great acidic counterpoint to a lot of the usual starchy sides: https://leitesculinaria.com/180094/recipes-roasted-delicata-squash-salad.html
I have been testing different recipes to see what I would like to bring to a friend's Christmas potluck (must taste good even when cooled) and have liked these pumpkin and carrot muffins: https://nomnompaleo.com/post/101828602863/paleo-pumpkin-and-carrot-muffins. Feels like I'm still using festive ingredients but in a more portable and easily-frozen-as-leftovers manner.